Self Healing

It’s 2am in the morning and I’m thinking of you. I’m thinking of us, I’m thinking of the moments when we we were ok. When there was still ‘us’

Seeing you thriving in your life is bittersweet, maybe a twinge of pain seeing you moving on and also happy that you are doing well. I am no longer part of that life, no longer have the right to walk along side you, to share in your laughter and thoughtful thinking. To be there for you when you can rant away at me for hours on end.

For me? It doesn’t matter, I have been stuck, I am still stuck, at the bottom of a well was where you left me. The one clawing, climbing up the slippery stones just to be pushed back down when the tears come back. The lingering pain inside my chest, that sharp intake of air as I gasped for salvation, for an escape, for you to come back. Happy thoughts I remind myself, I can’t help but drift to our happy moments just to get whiplashed again of our ending.

You updated a new photo today, and I lost it once again. The reminder of that photo takes me back to a time when everything was going well, going steady. When there was a foundation to build on. I thought today would be the day where I can steady myself and let you go, realising again that I can’t